More often than not when couples come to see me they cite the need for better communication. I describe the experience in terms of each of them "missing" each other. Somehow there's a disconnect whereby the needs of the communicator aren't being perceived by the listener. This then leads to frustration. The frustration comes from the sense that in that moment you are suddenly alone in the relationship. As a result, the "fight or flight" response kicks in. There is a disconnection. This is the opposite of what we need in our relationship; feeling heard, understood and therefore feeling secure and taken care of. Good communication and listening brings a sense of connection, of caring and therefore security. Its therefore no wonder that this skill is so valued and therefore critiqued, when relationship issues arise.
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